kei`

2day.. i feel a bit different. bit demeaning to my stature.. i guess i also ended up filling my eyes.

i hid the last post. i guess its hard, especially when you had to recollect the sight of a perfect memory.. a mesmerizing inspiration & once a friend. its sad when you knew you had let it off.. after miles of judgement, to leave behind wt's unbearable & find it return to you, when u just had to ignore.

i wished to hug her, yet wish i cud keep onto my promises.. to cont the independence she's instilled upon.. after leaving me for some time. i remember the days..

we'd promise each other- in 3 years time if i graduated frm med, she'd give me a samoyed.. & i'd offer her a mini pig for her imminent psych degree. i remembered our days in lectures.. we'd go thru with pen-clicking & jokes even with the lecturer still doing his job . i remembered.. her releasing her 1st tears, wch totally soften my heart & sympathy to wch i had to console.. i remembered her one day, body-butting me from behind till i almost fell over to the floor.

i remembered the day we were preparing to get our graduation outfits.. & you never knew how much i suffered when she did not graduate. i remembered the days we had never gone below 3 hrs each time in sizzler restaurant.. we're such a chattable pair. lastly, i remembered the day.. u wished me valentine's day even when i've got nothing to do with it.. i remembered all these.

i mourn bcoz i'd let go.. i mourn bcoz i really had let go. we still've got so many years in front of us, its such a waste. but here, plse do move on. its sad.. i really wish you safe. im done here.

- keith

feel'8

post

coast

more pics & words. i try to make this post brief & swift. this post will be mixed, in terms of feelings.

i myself, 've never been to lots of events in brisbane. i guess.. tt brings abt a no. of feelings in terms of hw i'd get to enjoy with frens & all tt. but tt changed just recently. i'd never had so much outings as i did in the last 3 days- i hadn't been to ekka, the buddha fest, any other. last weekend i had 3 st8 days of exploration.

fri nite- i was invited to pbl tutor's place at calamvale. a bus abt 45 mins had me to sunnybank before my mate picked me up frm ter. it was good indian food & wine. sat nite- i had a swim at noon, then at nite we went to river festival.. my 1st time in 3 years. the trip ended me with a deep feeling. sun- my long fren, sharon decided tt we head for an excursion to gold coast 4 the weekend. we'll be having the following week off, so its a good time for a break.. it was just awe.

with the help of ranald's advice, we visited the burleigh heads beach & Q1, which is the tallest residential tower in the world. it was a tall 77th floor & we had an exquisite aft tea over the whole scenery of the coast. burleigh heads is one of the prettiest beach of brisbane. other than tt, silly sharon got me to a distant trip to david leagh's wildlife park, wch we got to see just.. a snake & a crocodile, one of each.

in the end i spent a 100$, including the last in sizzler. it was well enjoyed, but after tt, my life came across a reality check- im short of cash! i beared for a moment, no money for food or transport.. i had to withdraw frm my brunei bank. least im aware, money is tt imprtnt. w.o. it im quite close to hopeless.

on another story- after my last post, 2 of my closest souls- sis & shee mei sent me a msg. they commented on the emotion of it, and also shared abt their frenship fiascos. i guess not all ppl have close frens to rely on to an extent.. as u grow up. im lucky to have 1 or 2.
meanwhile, im a bit worried abt the effort 4 my exam preparation. i hope i'll be in the groove for the next 2 months. wish me luck guys. love u guys-

- keith

time

just words 2day
remember this song guys? :) subtle yet- full of emotions. those of you who've kept in touch with my blog for last years should've known when this was played b4. im just naming a few- sharon, pascal, crysteen, yung soon, anonymous, shee mei, the rest. it was played near the end of my last blog. tnx for helping me then guys.

ever had the feeling when u had to face smeth u never faced b4. lets say a sudden change of life due to an event or, a news u heard. ever had the feeling when u had to face a sudden abrupt event such as death of a loved one, or a parent receiving a futile diagnosis for only a few months. how wud u feel if u're in the position?

i myself 've never faced one, as an adult. im contemplating hw things might change in the course of 10 years frm now. the feeling is quite vulnerable, isn't it. u never knw wt lies ahead, as you'd always wish them safe & sound. u wish they'd be there to see you grow.. & change as u start a new era of life. u hope they'd be there with u to cherish the times 2gether.

the thing i've learned is we need to cherish the present. there's no way of deciding for urself the future nor rationale wt's past. just the present- we need to work hard to make full use of our lives.. for those who cud not achieve. we need to enjoy.. make use of the time we have.. we just need to live-in.
----
anywy.. i've just come back from a seminar regarding our 3rd & 4th year rotation. very inspired by the idea that im going to be in 3rd year soon. yet, really hoping i cud make it to tt point. i've studied for.. say if this year completes- 5 years. 5 years..! i always tell myself i need to make it to the 7 mark & be ter to see the glory. its challenging coz i've lived quite by myself. i realised a lot of personal change, yet.. i knw i cud just cont on to build up myself.. so i cud be a better person.

on the way, i reminisced..
things changed. even in the scope of just 2 years. personally, i felt i've 'lost'.. 3 best frens. once very dear to me. they're not frm home. its just.. things turn out with time.. tt u never knew why or know how. nothing really happened. but they just faded.

anywys..
for u guys at present, u guys rule,
& plse do rule often k :)

- keith

救一個

i remember my last post was on the start of olympics. 2day it is the closing. hw fast, hw slow its been.. 2 weeks & a half. china did very well.. as was australia. do the names ring the bell?- stephanie rice, steve hooker, sally mclellan, libby trickett & the rest. u make australia proud. it was exciting watching u guys. u guys are great :)

recorded a voice 2day.. 你救哪一個 a gigi's song. one of my favs. tts all for nw~Boomp3.com

- keith

8.8

2day is a very fruitful day.. i dunno wer to start.

i woke up spontaneously at 5.30 am, couldn't sleep. did a bit of read on talley connor. when it was 7, me & khairul got out to catch the bus. it arrived half an hour late but we arrived on par to make it for pbl, least only 15 mins late.

after pbl, i had a chat with my pbl tutor- kanchana. it was heartful, & given advices and sharing tghts abt what's ard us. after tt, i embarked onto a full throttle- had 3 assignment sheets signed, in doing so did 3 phy exams on respiratory, hematology & GI, assessed by 3 different doctors. it was effortful i tell you.

i needed to go to each ward, find a registrar or if not there page them. wait a few hours interval, page them again.. to decide 4 a suitable time. whilst waiting, i made use of the time to visit my coach dr. michelle, a respiratory consultant, on regards to my status. had a chat abt academics. then spent the rest to write a mail to mal just to sort things out.

fuff.. in the end i got all things done & was pretty exhausted! it ended at 4 pm. had juice to quench my thirst & nw typing this. i will nap soon for 2 hrs, then call back home the usual fri nites. wt life` olympics starts 2day~ beautiful time to start.. 8.8.08- 8.08pm. just hope the best for china` :) - keith

u

how can i.. 想不開
用一秒燦爛換你真心喝采

how can i.. 在等待
你點燃蘊藏在我心中的所有色彩

dreamy song..
you feel smeth from this.

keith-
u ask urself y u lived the way u do nw. u wish smeone cud tell.. y u lived this way. u also wish smeone cud tell.. y ppl treat u in their ways. tt you never knew.. nor cud understand.
y u wish for love.. to fulfill ur life.. care to tighten ur intentions & a kiss.. just once enough.. to make u feel warmth. but y.. seemingly, life can be daunting.. to realise aside the desires, u had smeth else to fulfill.. & hw long can u keep on for?

hw can i? 想不開
for once, i never knew
letting go can be heartful

hw can i? 在等待
for just one greeting
其實祝福下都好 is it hard?

3 more months,
but i already feel like sobering
can i motivate myself?
to live well.

- keith

spa

post

rain

its been raining the few days.. and the little puddles along the road have exploited the weakness of my sandals. its jam here in indoroo given its thurs nite. im feeling a bit so im taking a break 4 a while.. knwing myself really well, im known to keep things so long & worn till they wud.. if my mom sees this, she wud literally hit me already.. haha -_-'''

erm.. these few days is a bit tense. not sure whether its coz im not working to my best or is it im working too much? i just feel tgh its 1 month past 2nd sem & 3 mths to finals, im feeling a bit anxious. i guess nw its time to start be a bit serious. "y so serious?"- the joker

just update on a few happenings. aside frm a simple week, i had a special nasi lamak treat last weekend with the brus. its touching coz i was late & ranald had to fetch me from toowong & they waited for me b4 they'd start. malu eh.. anywys.. tnx for the treat guys. it was yaman! i was also invited to faris farhan place the day b4. the brothers haf been in 'bluehouse' for quite a while, and they've moved out to this wonderful apart in quay street. I remembered the 1st days i was in brisbane, living in the house with them. it was when liyah was still ter, it gives me memories & my 1st brisbane impression- dried leaves in winter, cold wind & crow gackles tt can be qte naturalistic. :)

living in brisbane can be qte "independent" of sort coz u're living by urself. the 1st few years im here, i relied on character & some frens along the way. i remembered the days when life used to call for me to be persistent. nw tt i've lived here for almost 3 years, i admit i've misunderstated some frenships tt are qte imprnt. damit has alwez been a helper, as well as khai. we'd gather in the weekends, play or work.. etc. times so i won't have to feel "too on my own" as i progress on..
my usual active measures account for jogging for 5km frm city back and swimming. i love love LOVE.. to swim in uq pool.. i guess its really good for stress- relieving. just tse few days, its been raining.. i'd hope it'd be sunny tmrw so i can go pool again. another of my leisure is listening to cheer. she's a guitarist, pure fantastic lyric composer & voice. look look LOOK how cute is she.. post continued.. - keith

memoirs

continued- posted is a song sung by gigi, lyric & guitared by cheer (for comfort listening especially for this post, adjust to 25% volume. cheery guitar & nice vocals.. :)).

nw this post is on memoirs. its been a long time since i've looked back & see the wonders of life tt reminds me.. im still good.. still blessed.. still down to earth with all tt i have. good memories are a wonder and can always be recalled. they put a smile to ur face.

1) back when i was small, i went to my 1st overseas destination- sgpore.. tt was most remembered trip.. being to shops with mom & sis and Sentosa during Christmas.. songs were playing.. env was made up.. animals.. there were animals! cable cars.. most remarkable. in my 20s, i stepfooted hongkong. it was the best. i love the culture, the food, Disneyland was just the best.. visiting my idol gee was just ineffable. i tq my mom for this.

2) i remembered being with sis once in a grand draw, after her name was published in a local newspaper for the draw of a car with 3 other contestants- euro 04. it was intense but when she got the right key to open the car door, the whole family went berserk. she won the hyundai, wch is my regular loved one since im driving it nw.. sis is nw a lawyer, doing masters. in my heart, i've alwez had confidence in her.. she's a great woman.

3) i remembered the days as a newbie in brisbane. a new post came & i saw this wonderful box full of chocolate eggs, a drawing and pictures of arsenal stadium. it was my 1st great surprise frm a fren. she's just.. and i tq for tt. i wish u all the best.

4) whenever i go swimming, i'd look back at the days when i used to go out to pool with one of my best lads, thomas. tt was years back when life was in rigors, he brought me out to swim every week & chat abt issues and stuff. i'd say he had literally saved my life then. a great buddy.. he'd always be one.

5) my days in judah1 will alwez be remembered. days were full of inspiration, hope-giving and love frm the family.. the frens won't be forgotten no matter. you guys were great.

6) a legacy, but worth mentioning. she created the best outing as a fren, best times in lunch with a fren, a cny dinner.. we never made it less than 3 hrs. she's great.. my frens wud alwys ask abt her.. tq pillbo. lizzy, brought me to watch shutter with anther guy whom she despised. she clung to me the whole movie, it was funny. the incredibles were the most vital link memories with her.

7) pejman who lived with me a year ago came back coz he suggested tt keith was still ter. unfort i told him shallen has moved out. we were the best 16, riverview hsemates. i will alwez remember the days- miss shallen too. sharon, on the other hand, is always worth mentioning. a good fren in brisbane.

8) i remember starting blogging exactly 3 years ago. since then, im a keen regular blogger. ter are changes along, and i loved to ponder upon tt. keithlink was 1st and live-in came. i hope to retain my interest in it.

nw view these memories. tt is all :)

voice

this post is about singing.

i remembered the 1st time i sang a song was during my childhood. i memorised a chin song, an old song. it was 10 years of age and i was already in front of my uncles aunties, sent up by them viz the red packet. then.. i never liked singing just as i never liked football. the whole interest changed as soon as i grow up a bit, in the ages 15+.

i picked up my 1st real album- it was sammi. it was ok. i tght of buying some albums, just maybe sort of to take an interest into music. my age puts me into call. 2nd album. it was very random.

i saw this beautiful, young lady in front wearing a white long sleeve shirt, looking sentimental. i just grapped it. as i soon as i turned it on, hear the 1st track- i fell in love with her voice and her type of music. soon i took her up as an idol. and now its been 6 years. coz of her i started to like music. and coz of her i started to like singing. play this song which shows her voice talent. she sings an eng song- imagine.


i got to admit im not really good at singing, but i love it. smetmes i envied those singers who 'can' sing.. who has the best voice and easily create any sort of tune they want. by singing, you can just captivate anyone.. sentimentally.. heartedly.. anther singer i envied is andy hui. you shud watch his moment when he got the best male award. i think tt is the best presentation moment in JSG history.

i put up my voice-2. haha.. just dun bleed ur ears. its a bit jiberish. this song is one of the best by andy.


- keith

帥君-23

2nd post for 306

其實 今天 滿 一个人地
but i feel glad
因為 能想起 一些东西
feel soul feel 'self'

tgh feeling bit acrid
im not alone
謝謝 你們 的 祝福
- farh, khai, sharn, shee mei, jess, pill, thomas, sis, mom, dad









----------------------------------------------------------------------
我 覺得背景滿 美的 southbank
看這 外景, 看這自己

visited regatta boatshed
u made me tght abt
對你有那么多的 期望
可自沒被 期待- i'll let you go

tnx damit for dine-in
soto, hati buyah dngan talor
謝謝 父母對我 的愛
謝謝 大家對我 支持

may my time be loved
i'll live to my best
- keith

306

hi ppl.. :)
its time here to say tt im 23 nw. my feelings?

will be spending it just by myself. i've a few lectures at noon to the eve, probly just gna cook a pack of maggi, eat and then go to sleep (made it sound so pity :p). but i guess its just life.

i wna tnx my famly for celeb advancely, tnx a few frens.. hw i miss u guys, and just myself- i'd have to go on. its time to.

i posted my 1st voice blogging, hope u guys enjoy. apologies for the lang deficit of a english literate. posted some photos too. plse do enjoy.
alrite.. tts all. u guys haf the best times of life. plse live it well regardless..
and live-in-

- keith

posted 30.6 post
- "voice blogging"

moti

Im so proud of myself.. so proud...
i'll tell the world who i am.. i'll rule my internals.. for the goodness of being`for my loved ones.. for self.. for the beauty of the world.. & peace.. i must be strong.. and carry on coz i know i don't belong here in heaven.
- keith

Give me a 'K'! Give me an 'E'! Give me an 'I'! Give me a'T'! Give me a 'H'!!!

Hey Swait Zin,

Jia You! Study hard ok? not easy lah but please try ur best.

I'm continue my dancing class in hip hop~ everything else is pretty normal here hehe.... is a good sign too, steady life.

Finally again.... work hard n don't give up!
- mei

3

reply-
of all tse while since i left, she has never initiated a qn, a mail or feedback on us. of all tse while i just longed for frenship, a natural frenship. if i want to talk a million tngs y im not satis with how she handled the past, i cud. but i'd let go. i've forgiven the losses.

its this feeling tt u just wish she'd talk to you agn. care u in a way, as frens. so apparently, so apparently.. she seems to've let go. qn is.. let go of the past or the person(fren)?

i'd let go. but y on earth did i buy a gift. y on earth was i placed in indooroopilly mall on the nite of her b'day, given a million reasons i had to feel for her and buy her a gift. the hurt she's caused & nw bearing the risk of yet anther hurt. y does she fail to realise the imprnce of feedback? y does she fail to realise hw imprtnt it is to say i've received it & tq. y..

im very glad u're enjoying well. im also glad tt u've let go of a few past tenses. u rule. i don't. it will not take long to knw.. i already expected. if u remembered march last year, u were one of the many persons who supported me in this ordeal. she was a bit annoyed with the talk. after all, i always tght i wasn't anyth to her at all.

last wait is on 30th june. after tt, i knw, its enuf.. i've yearned for peace. if its nt given, i knw i will move on easily.

- to leeshi

sz

actually i'll just a write an entry..
i had a chat with thomas just nw. we had a bit of exchange of feels as frens. i guess for him he had only me as a best fren.. and as for me, i really missed him. u knw.. life here in brisbane.. u just can't find the type who meddles in the way u wanted.. its such lifeless.. and i guess home is always the place for welcome n warmth

if i were to write in the case of this "present time", i guess i'd miss only two frens. one is abhi and one is thomas. i think the reason of hw harsh life is in brisbane, has let me to think.. i've let go the rest. i guess in my respect, genuine frens are the ones who'd ask abt u.. think abt u.. treat u as a fren basically, in the respect of exchange of love and warmth. smeone who cares and.. i just miss tt

i admit the harshness of hw some can be.. especially female frens.. knowingly judging frenships wrt the opp sex.. i also knw tt- i just wanted to knw.. hw some.. have tght abt me.. at all? regardless of tse fights.. conflicts.. i just want to have a peaceful heart to knw.. tt u'd care.. despite the difference we had to be.. giving me the feedback "hw you are".. "hw're you doing"..

aside tt, i just miss life..
i miss everything..
frm the past & present..
i'll go ahead with my career..
with life changing frm end to end.

hw i've envied some with ones..
to care and to forgo with them..
each & everytime of the day..
as for i.. turning 23 soon..
hw well can i cope w/o love.

i've been scarred.
but im getting on well..
i'm tough.
but im striving..
its the feeling you feel at the end of the day..
hw much misses you can feel for the ones
you've lost.. who've let go..
who stopped caring you anyway.

i hope you enjoy this song.
faithful by gee.. tk ppl..
- keith

winter

24.5
its been a long time no update. sorry if it even affects anyone a bit, but i myself hadn't had a glance of my page for a month. i put it on abstinence.. took a break for a while.. & see if it does matter. i guess my blog isn't such a big deal afterall except proly'd bored sharon a bit. i missed blog. the life without blog has been very different. i'll elaborate.

i glanced towards the outside of my window, and found its winter. its now 25th may, 08. brisbane has accompanied me for 3 years.. 3 years. i questioned myself hw long will i have to stay here agn. its cold, im not getting the grip of life very well here, but all i'd ever do it for is medicine. brunei is my home, regardless hw well i shud settle here. i longed for warmth.

im abt to be 23. i looked at myself.. still slim.. still not fully established (yet). strangely when i look ard & compare to myself, i see most adults of my age wearing nice tidy formal cloth, fine physically built with app hairstyle and shoes, enjoying active lifestyle whilst me.. at the age of 23, still sublimed to my famous shirt-in jacket, khakis and sandals. im sad to say i haven't pulled out an expectation on myself to be more 'good-looking', more 'adult'.. & when i walk ard with my old clothes, i just had in mind.. im just a lame med student.

i spent time with seniors had a talk with them. instantaneously, i found out tt 3rd 4th years are just as tiring (aint not just 2nd year). so i pulled a cloth on myself.. laughed out softly.. went back home.. tght abt it. ok.. 'its a life-long thing'.. bring myself up.. ok lets do this.

next- life is always changing.. if you don't change, you'll be left behind.. new things .. motives keep on changing.. relationships change.. life then goes on.. and on.. and on.. until eventually you ask yourself.. "y.. y.. y..." despite, you moved on to pursue life to the very best, for this point, you realised life is always abt oneself.

run out of love. run out of luck. i nearly lost blog. but i wanted to feel for myself again. i won't be blogging until aft exams.. wish me luck in 2 weeks time.. i'll only be longing for the self the smiles when i graduated. not anyone else. but just myself.

- keith

204

20.4 update
life is still solemn. yet not. sitting along in uq cafe this morn, a live guitarist playing soothing music while singing melody. relaxing. this wed carpet cleaning for my room. concomitantly on janet's bday. will be clean dustless soon. makan hse at west end. eating with mates is such fun. reminded me of home. swimming is tiring. staying over is too. time to return to books. not feeling for the moment.
- keith

amb

on ambiance
tse days i've been doing well so far. getting into stance on both life & work. this career is vital as it is interesting. evryday, im reminded to do some work even if ter isn't a plan. work least to make me bit competent. i walked alone but never tght i was. coz i learnt to appreciate chance i've got.

i feel. im human too. 2day shallen called. she moaned of her stay with her new mates & wanted to move out. it a pity with the issues she had. all i cud do was ask her get help from janet. hope she'll be fine. missed her 'bubbliness' at home.

once in a while i'd feel for ppl. i tght of someone. a fren, a really gd fren. miss the days when we're in the same course. she'd be funny, teasing & just lovely. even as frm her recent quote, i'd want to reply her and say, "love hk.. love hk.. i love hk!!" i tght y i had reacted badly then. she's a fren. she shud be as happy as it is with both of us. we shud be good frens :)

feelings are sensitive issues, but they can be anything positive. the point is "feelings you feel for ppl are unique and they should be dealt with both sides maturely". its very imprnt tt you have feedback frm both sides so you dun get the feeling this relationship (frenship) is going to end. most often things dun turn out tt way. its always a close end, ended with hurt.

ambiance for you (3)

- keith

新始

(edited)
I don’t knw how to start
一路来, 我都以为 keith 是一个很乖 很诚的小孩子
可是我错了.. 这么能够做了那么 出格的事

在很懆脆的情况下, 为了麻自己 ..
不离不弃的.. 做了对自己蛮失望的事

I’ve tried my best to live
我已经蛮 努力了.. 既然能够 生存在这个世界上
这么还是感到不滿, 我真的不是人

我会爬 我会走, 恐怕我也会跌
当我跌时候, 我真的很想其一些人
偶尔会问 ‘how are you?’
他们不见了..

却觉得生活 是蛮孤独吗?
还是人生就是会为了人, 伤害自己
I tried never to think abt it
拥有你 coz you’re my fren
可是我蛮迷你得

犯的错不是说很大
而其实 能给一个机会 反省自己
对自己更加的爱

最后所 梁咏琪讲的..
'爱情是一个归属感'
trust me, i’ll do my best
I’ll feel naturally

- keith