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yest as i was resting, i took time to reminisce
life.. times past.. hw immense this yr it has been.
many tngs.. yet inexplicable.. wch can be quite an
impact to one's life.

for most of it, its being 22. at tis age, cudn more deny its an age of finding self. for me, it was chosen to be solitary, full of persistence to move on tt way.

for other most, is facing anxiety.. i bliv the feeling is a learned response (in psychology). i often make unreasonably fearful anticipation on someone's presence or a group of others especially when walking ard uni or st. lucia on sundays wch can be quite demeaning..

fuff.. last time i remembered those times used to be harmony. church, frens. nw its as if im fearing them. very unreasonable. tts y im beginning to think ters smethn wrong. i kept 'avoiding'. i remember barring myself frm them, frm her.. just bcoz everytime i see her, she drives me unnecessarily palpitations and fear.

i dunno. its so autonomous. i've said this times. worse, its really irrational and its been so long. on the positives, i kept reminding.. kept instilling self cbt.

"in fact i've already let go personally.. smehw.. autonomously it still happens. in my mind, i've always wanted to keep a peaceful relationship. tts y i chose this way. so times when we meet, we can still exchange smooth glances.
wen i think bck, its alwez unsolveable, neverending.. i can alwez attribute it to our differences, of the acts we'd previously done to each other. but nw tts not the matter, nor forgiveness is. matter is now facing u with a peaceful heart. here let me mention once more.. angelene. forgive me. i bliv one day we will come into peaceful terms."

i feel better nw.. i'll go with a heart to finish the exams.

- keith